Friday, December 14, 2012, was a sad day for Sandy Hook Elementary School, Connecticut, United States. A total of 20 elementary school students aged 5 - 10 years were shot dead. The perpetrator also shot several teachers, a school principal, and a school psychologist.
Before carrying out the attack on the school, the perpetrator first shot his mother at home. His mother is a teacher at the Sandy Hook Elementary School. The perpetrator was named Adam Lanza, 20 years old. Adam Lanza is known as a quiet and genius child.
All parents want their children to be orderly and easy to manage. However, a common mistake is that parents feel safe when their child becomes a quiet child, never complains, and is very obedient. In fact, like the shooting case above, several other criminal cases are also often committed by quiet children.
It is important for parents to realize that their child's silence is not always a positive indicator. Children must be educated to be orderly and disciplined. However, a quiet attitude does not mean that the child has truly understood the meaning of discipline. Some children who seem quiet actually have a lot of anger in them. The child does not know how to show his anger. Finally, when the child is no longer able to contain his anger, he shows it in a very bad way.
To avoid this, parents must first realize that anger is a normal emotion that children have. Then, instead of forbidding the child to be angry, it would be much better if the parent taught the child the right way to express his anger. There are several things parents can do to help their children get used to expressing anger appropriately:
1. Be sensitive to children's feelings
Parents must be sensitive to the emotions experienced by children. To be sensitive to children's emotions, it takes a close relationship between parents and children. Take the time to talk a lot with your child about the things he is going through, as well as ask him how he feels about the incident. Thus, parents can better understand, what kinds of things can bring up negative emotions in children.
2. Help children to recognize their emotions
Some children are confused about the emotions they are feeling. As a result, they may be negative in order to relieve the discomfort in them. When parents talk to their children about their experiences, they can also help children recognize their own emotions. To help, parents can use images of faces with different emotions. Discuss with the child, which face shows the emotions of happiness, sadness, angry, etc.
3. Communicate with children about the causes of their anger
After recognizing his anger, invite children to find out the source of their anger. Is it really worth it to make the child angry, or are they actually the ones who made the mistake? In this case, it is important for parents to communicate democratically and non-judgmentally. If it turns out that the fault lies with the child, convey it firmly and nicely, not by cornering the child.
4. Offer alternative appropriate ways of expressing anger
Sometimes children don't know how to express their anger properly. It's good for parents to help provide ideas. As children get older, teach them to be more independent in doing this.
5. Be a good role model for children
Most importantly, parents must be good role models for their children. Through the attitude of parents, children can adopt various things, be it the right attitude, or the wrong attitude. So, hopefully, parents can be a good example for their children.
Nirmala Putri, S. Psi.
IPEKA Counseling Center
