Children’s Fighting Power

“My son isn’t strong. He can’t study for long, his head can get dizzy. But if he plays the game, he can play it for up to 4 hours without getting tired. He can do that.”

“My son is forgetful, so he needs his babysitter to prepare everything. If the babysitter doesn’t prepare it, there must be something left behind. I feel bad for him if his teacher punished him because he left behind the book.”

We may have heard parents say sentences like the ones above. Even parents often pronounce it in tones that contain “pride” as if the behavior is the child’s personal “uniqueness”, and it’s innate, natural, and irreversible. Parents then do nothing to solve it.

New parents experience confusion when the child is older. “I am amazed at my child. They just want the easy one! When things get hard, they complained. How come there’s no fighting power in them.” Parents begin to see their children less willing to try, give up easily when they encounter difficulties, or tend to choose all the easy things as a way out. Even during high school, he stated that “any major is fine as long it’s the easy one.”

Children’s fighting power isn’t innate. No child is automatically born with high fighting power or weak fighting power. Fighting power is shaped by the child’s upbringing and life experiences. It takes a long and sustainable effort and process to shape children’s fighting power. Some things that can be done in shaping children’s fighting power are:

  1. Ask the child to do the things that he already can do and it’s part of his responsibility.
    For example, the child’s responsibility as a student, he must manage all matters relating to his own school. Like tidying up textbooks, bringing the school supplies needed, etc. If you have a helper at home, parents need to make a rule that the helper’s job is only to help do something that the child really cannot do.
  2. Do not rush (too quickly) to help children. Give your child time to solve his own problems.
    For example, when he quarrels with his brother or sister, encourage the children to find their own solutions to the conflict.
  3. Have your child finish everything he started, no matter what the difficulties are.

"Because God chastens the people He loves, and He scourges those whom He recognizes as children. If you have to bear the reward; God is treating you as sons. Where is the child whose father did not beat him? But if you are free from the retribution, which everyone must suffer, then you are not children, but easy children. ”(Hebrews 12: 6-8)


Monica, M.Psi., Psi.

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